Complicating things

I feel like being an adult producer is so complicated at times. Like this month.. I mean last month – see, so much time has passed without anything happening because being me can be so complicated!

So, last month I wrote the “Let’s go” thought. It was not only a thought, it was a feeling back then. I had overcome and conquered and accepted and taken on and … you catch the drift. Anyway, I was ready to take my baby adult-income and really make it as nice as I always dreamed of. This site is one of my passions and it’s almost grotesque that I just realized that it has so much in common with my other passions. It kind of makes sense now.

I wanted to talk about how it’s complicated to run this site / to live this passion and then I just realized that all of my passions have these complications. So maybe that is just one symptom, one attribute of being a passion. A colleague once told me that every passion holds suffering and I disagreed, because passion was something positive for me. But now I get it.

Let me tell you about my train of thoughts so the above written makes any sense:

Adult-income is my passion, but soon after I started it, I also started suffering from it. First there was my idea: Give anyone a chance to earn a minimum amount of money, so that no one would have to be without any money. Of course geological and other restrictions apply and it’s more like a dream than a reality, but in the countries I roam, everyone could make a little money online. Just something to be proud of, something you earned all by yourself.

The one thing, providing a means of earning real money, that I know a little about, is running a clipstore. I accidentally found out about it and thought others should know it, too. Then there needed to be added value, because simply telling someone clips4sale existed would not be enough. After what I went through in order to achieve a decent salary, I couldn’t just throw it out there without any further support.

So I wrote the complete clips4sale guide for adult newcomers and it was a success. I wrote 3 days and nights and I got RSI because of it, which meant my arm went numb from typing too much in a certain position. That was the immediate suffering. Of course it was my fault, but I couldn’t help it. Writing 50 pages in succession is only possible for me if I go into tunnel mode and just fire away. Even stopping to correct a small spelling mistake could break my focus. If I had carefully planned and executed that guide, then polished it to perfection so I would be 100% satisfied with it, you would probably still be waiting for me to post it.

And I am glad that I just wrote and posted it, because parts of it are a little out- dated already, because of clips4sale updates, mainly in site design.

I got a lot of comments and praise for the article, which was nice and showed that it was absolutely needed. I know when I started, there was next to no information about how to even handle c4s and it’s still like that. If you check amazon ebooks for clips4sale (don’t buy any) you realize very soon that there is nothing to be taken serious, just people trying to make money off of you.

Anyway, I couldn’t write all the articles I had planned, because I couldn’t feel my arm. I did write, but honestly, that second guide, which was planned to be a huge successor to the first and really cover all there is, was a little shallow. Although it contains good information and is pretty sizable, I am not really happy about it. But, as I said, going back “in” and re-writing, fixing, expanding etc is very difficult, because I just wrote it off the top of my head. I realized that it’s a lot of work to “just” write down my ideas and knowledge. To just provide the necessary information for others. And I saw people happy and earning money with my tips.

One tip I got from others was setting up a donation button to finance adult-income. It costs some money and it costs a lot of time. People were willing to support me for more good articles so I went into research mode and came up with a donate button. One donation came in and that one was a friendly exchange. So no visitor actually sent anything. Quite demotivating, I can tell you. Even if it was never meant to earn money, it just took a little away from that sense of appreciation, if you know what I mean. After all, it was an idea from the community to put up that donate button.

So I did some research, turns out that whole donate system never really works for any website. Websites being aggressive, lying, luring you in, stealing, popping up in your face, telling half-truths, winding you up and then not delivering, those kind of websites make money. It’s a global problem. Antisocial assholes make most money. Sociopaths hold most high management positions. It’s the nature of things. To get the best deal, you have to be the most cruel cutthroat and no humanitarian being could be that way, so you need to hire the best sociopath there is.

Anyway, I wrote a few small articles and then got the amazing (cough) idea to sell a few premium articles. My thought was pretty easy and straightforward: If an article earns the reader much more money than it costs, it’s a no brainer to buy it – right? Haha.

I wrote that xvideos article where I earned well over $20 in just one day with a very simple method. I put that up for – what was it, $20? I think it was $10 at first and then I realized that it was stupid to tell people a method of how to make $20+ every day and ask $10 for it one time.

Or so I thought. Turns out that – and I can only assume this – whenever you add a “shop” to your website or any direct means to actually get money to pay for it, you loose all credit. People assume you only wanted to make money all along and people who want to make money are “not cool!”. It’s a paradox, since everyone I know wants to make money, but let’s not get into that. Better said, I don’t want to get into that now. This is my thought and I just hate that everything revolves around money. My only drive to make money is to have so much money one day that I can stop wasting any thoughts on it. Money makes the world inhumane.

After I put up that shop with useful articles, comments and praise literally stopped overnight. No one was interested anymore. You probably thought “I better stay away from that site, she is only trying to take my money”.

I was pretty sad about it, because naturally I wanted my site to be nice, so I made the xvideos article freely available, although that meant deleting some crucial personal info from it and – WOOOOP my site got busy again. Comments, praise, etc. I still hadn’t earned any of the hosting or hours of work back, but I understand that people don’t want to spend money.

In fact, I realized that all money-earning websites seem to run on a “second rail scheme”. Take amazon. They offer free ebooks – wow! We all want free stuff. Hey, what do I need to read those free ebooks from amazon? Oh, I need the amazon kindle ebook reader or I need to do complicated stuff. Well okay, I still want those free books and I don’t want to do complicated stuff so I spend $$$ on that reader. Now I can get the free books, yes! I got them all for free! WOOO!

Notice something?

Another example from a salesman: In his shop, you can buy 1 item for full price. You can buy 2 of the same and will get the second item at half price if you do. But if you buy 3 of the same items, you get the 4th FOR FREE.

Everyone is buying 3, because they want something for FREE, although the two item deal is exactly the same deal and although only 1 of that item is usually more than sufficient (think: some kitchen aid you’ll never use anyway). That way, people spend more money in his shop, because they buy more items. They spend MORE money because they want to get something for FREE.

Makes sense?

Well, it does to me. It explains why I should have made all my articles for free. I was too late with that, but had I had any knowledge of how this website-running worked before I started.. haha. I thought being honest and asking the community what they want would work. Of course they wanted a donate button so everyone could put the responsibility (subconsciously), to pay for the free advise, on someone else. Like 50 people see a robbery but no one calls the police, because everyone assumes that so many people saw it, someone must have called the police already. It’s called the bystander effect.

So if I could do this all again, I would just put up the site, put up all articles, not spend anything on the theme, plugins, basically hosting it on tumblr or blogger or something free. Then just write for 2 years and create a community so big that I could find ways to monetize because of the sheer size of the thing – like through advertising. Except, many sites try that and they fail, because other asshole sites steal all their content and market it aggressively in the meantime, scoring higher in google and taking over the whole thing.

Which is what almost happened to me and adult-income. Some assholes re-wrote or just plain copied all of my articles from here and added more keywords – like “money earning” “earn with clips4sale” stuff like that, to my original text. What that does is make them rank higher in google, basically suggesting their site to any searching person instead of my original.

What that also does is prompting google to ask you if you stole the content, at which point you have to prove that the other person actually stole it, at which point you just waste time proving that you are who you are. Over and over again. And the best thing about it is, a valid claim is only valid if you give all your personal details. Now which adult producer wouldn’t want to do that: give all thieves your personal details.

So what I did last month, after I filed DMCA complaints and took screenshots of everything along with removing the malware that was injected into my free site by taking a $200 subscription from security experts, was thinking about how I could get my passion back with less pain and suffering.

If I write all of this for free, I only get problems for it. I am happy telling you about what I learned in all the years running clipstores, but seriously, I have two kids, I have several clipstores, I have other passions. There needs to be some limit to the problems and suffering this causes, otherwise I just can’t continue.

So I decided on the dark room. I came up with it because it’s for sex and photography, which fits. The price is at about $18 for 30 days, which is a lot, but it’s relative. I pay $100+ in banking fees every month on c4s alone. If I were not me and I would find my site and read that I can earn more and learn stuff for under $20 a month, I would certainly buy that at least once.

The dark room is also important because it clearly shows that my content is protected above simple copyright law. It’s a higher wall to climb for people stealing content and it makes it easier for me to prove that it was my original content.

I also need a secure space to post freely. As I wrote, I had to cut valuable info from the xvideos article before I made it available for free. I just now made it a dark room article, because I will re-add valuable information to it. Private information that not just everyone should see. I will verify all members of the dark room, it’s not just for everyone. It’s for adult producers only.

For example, my gif animation guide contains pictures of me, my picture link guide (the other article that was premium before) contains URLs and store numbers that are not for public eyes.

The clipstore customers you should know article would have been a whole different article if I had written it for a protected section. Now that customers can access it, I had to cut information from it.

You see, I had to restrict myself in many ways, I couldn’t work freely on this passion and it made me stop working on it in a sense. It was not so much fun anymore.

I wrote half of the articles just to try and rank higher than those thieving sites. They lure people in and sell them stupid subscriptions, take money off their paychecks by offering ethically wrong affiliate links. I wrote about that here. One article that I wrote, that I just wrote to at least get some of the girls onto my site instead of the “wrong” sites, was the student money earning ahead. I don’t even see the article fitting into this site, but I need to mention it just to save a few girls from signing up with idiots.

So I see myself adding a lot more articles – or portions of articles, to the dark room of this site. Just for protection, for freedom of writing, for my own freedom, for privacy and copyright protection and somewhere down the line for financing the site.

So why is it that expensive if it’s just for those reasons? I thought about that price a lot.

There are several components that make it up. First of all, I pay a fee on every transaction through ccbill. In addition to that, I pay a one-time sum for each transaction. So had I made the VIP Membership too low, I would not have earned anything. You would have just paid ccbill. Wow.

Then there is an additional fee for every transaction below $10. So I went over that. Now I need to have an “average earned” of above $10, otherwise I pay another fee, so to be safe I thought about $12-13 – that should get me above $10 after all other fees are subtracted.

I don’t want a subscription. I pay so many subscriptions all the time. I always realize too late that I had to cancel them on time (which is like 3 months before the subscription ended) and they extend for another month or even a year and I HATE that. I lose so much money because of it.

So of course I don’t want to sell to you what I hate myself only to make more money. I hate the concept of money as you know. So there is just a one time payment for 30 days access. Since one time access allows you to read – and basically print and save for personal use – all my articles, you never pay the full $18.

You just pay once, save all articles in the dark room and then buy another 30 days whenever you want in the future. That could be the next month, that could also be after 4 months. You always get all the articles. So if you buy access after 4 months, you basically paid $2.50 a month for the dark room content, while I didn’t have to pay all the extra fees.

That was my train of thought regarding these things.

To come back to what I wrote in the beginning of this, all my passions make me suffer and restrict myself. Having a pee fetish is not easy, as you can probably imagine. I don’t know what you would say if your partner asked you to include pee play in your sexlife, but I can tell you that most people are not very accepting of it.

So I got that passion, which is restrictive “just because”. Then I run a clipstore – for fetish clips. I don’t even have to mention pee clips. Just running an adult clipstore is something I can only tell few people. When I sit in the toddler group with my kids, other mothers often talk about their work. When they ask me, I tell them I am just a mom, taking a break. Would you tell them that you run a fetish store selling homemade clips? Yeah? Great. I couldn’t. I would want my kids to have other kids over to play, you know. It’s not the mothers’ fault.

If one of them would invite my kid over and she had told me that her husband and her run a BDSM dungeon – even with my current work and knowledge, I don’t know if I would find that perfectly okay. There is that taste to it, you know?

It’s a personal thing and even moreso a societal thing. We all heard the babysitter / kindergarden teacher lose her job because she was a stripper / camgirl. Like, “just” a stripper. Not making fetish clips or anything, not having sex with anyone, just basically undressing and dancing in a sexy way, working hard etc.. In our society, that is enough to lose your job and if you are out of luck, media will blow it up so badly that you never find another “vanilla” job ever again. Hypocrites. They all watch porn, but beware of people who create porn. They are evil and weird and stuff.

Now you already got an idea how my next passion – the kids – is complicating things. It’s not easy having kids. It’s great, I love it, but running clipstores and being a mom are not exactly two things that go together. Indeed, you have to completely separate them. I would not want one of the kids to walk in on me or even find the slightest clue of my work – just like any other visitors by the way – yet, I have to work EVERY day. It’s not easy. And accidents do happen – like forgetting high heels and a dildo in the bathtub, then visitors go to the toilet…

This particular visitor never asked anything about it, but now there is this secret barrier between us. I know that he knows, but I don’t think he knows what is actually going on. Which is good. I assume he just thinks I had a fun time in my tub. But I don’t want that to happen too often or with people like my grandparents, you know?

I am just a totally normal girl. A young mom with some complicated passions and a VERY interesting job.

And this passion, my adult-income site, just got a little too much out of the passion zone and into the complicated zone. Like there were dildos and high heels in every room of my house and 20 visitors were coming to party.

So now I needed to lock the doors, store all dildos and high heels in one room – the dark room – lock that room and now all the visitors, including you, can come back in and look around on adult-income. And if you want to have a look in the dark room, you have to ask me and I will check if I want you to know and if it’s all cool between us, I gladly let you in.

Then you would be one less person I have to hide my secrets from and can talk openly with. A blessing for me.

If you want to be a blessing, go here and become a VIP with dark room access. The two articles mentioned above, the xvideos article and all $1000 blog articles (because I want those to contain much more financial and personal info in the future) are already there waiting behind locked doors. Even if the current articles there don’t interest you, your token of support would be a great motivation for me.

Writing this took me 3 hours of constant typing.

I am a slow typer on top of all the complication, who would have thought 🙂